Embarrassing confessions of a soccer mom May 8, 2008

Okay. Here it is. Emma is in her third season of soccer this spring, and is doing quite well. She loves the game and is actually getting pretty dang good!

However, I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m turning into one of those crazy, rabid parents that we all vowed we would NEVER emulate. You know what I’m talking about: they yell at the kids to SET IT UP! SET IT UP! and they yell at the ref to GET OUT OF THE WAY! and YOU’RE KIDDING ME! and so on. Last night, I found myself doing this and more; and it was almost like I could see myself doing it yet was powerless to stop. And let’s be totally honest: I didn’t really want to stop. I mean, come on - how many times as a mom do you really get to scream at your kids with little or no guilt attached? Yeah. You’re feeling me now, aren’t you?

An IEP meeting complete with stars and fairydust May 8, 2008

Today was the semi-annual IEP meeting for Henry and his teachers. IEP stands for Individualized Education Plan, but should really stand for Incredibly Excrutiatingly Long Planning Meeting. So I guess it would be….IELPM? Hmmm.

Anyway, this meeting was actually quite enjoyable, which for those of you out there with kids and an IEP you know how odd that statement sounds. But I’m serious - it was kinda fun. Henry is on track with his plan, and is actually testing right on par for most things, which both thrilled and surprised me. He is just trucking right along, the sweet little stinkhead.

One of the things we looked at was fourth grade. He’s going to pretty much have the same level of support he has now, but he will be allowed to - get this - have an mp3 player for testing. Here’s the deal: I shared with his teacher a couple weeks ago that he concentrates much better with music. So! Now I get to make a mixtape for my ten year old. I’m thinking some Sabbath, a wee bit of NIN, maybe some Ozzy? Oh, I kid, I kid. He’s a John Denver kind of guy.

Bottom line, the meeting went good, Henry is good, and all is well in the world. I even did a little celebratory jig, which was kind of awkward and embarrassing since I realized two seconds after I did such jig that my fly? It was wiiiiide open. Yeah. Way to poke a hole in that bubble of happiness, universe!

I am determined to have a good day today March 11, 2008

Even though my husband, who is normally Mr. Positive, seems to have entered in the Asshat of the Year contest.

Even though my house is embarrassingly dirty.

Even though the new dog shat all over Asshat of the Year’s car (which kind of explains the asshattery).

Even though I’m still shivering from my hour long walk in the pouring rain this morning.

Know why? Here’s why:

I am listening to great music courtesy of Last.FM; lots of Sarah MacLachlan, Indigo Girls, Fiona Apple, etc.

I’ve got a cat on me. Cozy!

It’s peaceful and quiet.

I’m blessed with a wonderful family.

I saw a rabbit this morning.

Overall, I’m hopeful, happy, and hip to be square. Yay for alliteration!

Good Lord! February 2, 2008

See, this is why you can’t let me on the webernets:

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It’s the leprechaun’s fault December 1, 2007

Morning.
By me.

He awakes
Mood! Bad! Watch! Out!
Stomps to table. No waffles? No pancakes? OATMEAL.
Holds head, screams, they are muffled. Then not so much.
Cat, he hides. Dog, he hides too. Animals know these things.

Morning, Part Two.
By moi.

Something Smells!
Bad!
Smells Like Burning!
Smoke Alarm! It’s On! Loud!
Oatmeal! Burning!

Morning, Part Three.
By you-know-who.

SOMEONE is hiding in the bathroom. Is this a good idea? Yes?
Frenzied hands scrabble underneath the door. They want breakfast.
Oatmeal! Down garbage disposal!
We shall have Lucky Charms instead.

I’m making myself smrter right this second, people January 31, 2007

Did you know that if you listen to streaming German classical music stations - meaning, the station is located in Germany and they all speak German and yes, that’s probably painfully obvious - that it actually makes you smarter? Plus, it’s way cool to be listening to Pavarotti and then hear a commericial for Flichersmucsh (?) with REALLY EXCITED PEOPLE. Just watch - that Flichersmucsh is probably some kind of prune supplement and I’m getting subliminal messages.

What happens at 5:30 in the morning? January 24, 2007

Here’s what happened in MY house:

Henry and Emma both got up and decided it was a good time to A) Crank up the Veggie Tales music B) play a madcrazy game of Wormy (Wormy is Henry’s imaginary friend).

Daddy takes a shower in preparation to go to work. Mommy ogles Daddy in a very inappropriate manner.

Cat dry heaves all over the damn house. No puke (yet) that I can find, but I’m sure it’s there. Somewhere.

I got a TON of work done from 5:30 to 6:30. It’s freaking amazing what you can do when you suck down the first of many mugs of coffee - I felt like SuperSpasmodic Girl or something.

I lurve me some Comcast. Sometimes. December 22, 2006

I’m so sick and tired of Comcast!

About once a week, I have interruption of service. Usually, I can fiddle around with various modems and wires and switches and get it going again. Today, however, I’ve had three things happen:

No service whatsoever.
Service as slow as dialup.
Normal service that slows down within oh, about five minutes.

So obviously I’m in on the normal level right now, who knows when I’ll get to the other sucky levels. A Comcast “technician” should be on his or her way to my house any minute; the Husband is frantic that they do NOT touch his customized setups, just fix their frigging lines.

ETA: Well, I didn’t just get ONE techie, I got three. Apparently, my little squirrel friends have been eating the cable lines and they all had to be replaced. Funny story - a couple months ago we were all idly watching a squirrel clamber up there, and after he licked the big power node thingy, he, uh…..well, I think he died. But then! After about five minutes, he miraculously came back to life. It was a frigging miracle!

Of course, I kind of wish he would have stayed dead instead of coming back for more cable munchies. But I have T-1 power now!! I AM THE QUEEN OF HIGHSPEED INTERNET!!!

Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean. December 21, 2006

For the past two days, I’ve been doing nonstop laundry. Well, with five people after a four day vacation, what do you expect? So I think I did, oh, something like 15 loads of laundry.

The biggest hurdle in the whole laundry chore thing is the actual folding and putting away of the kids clothes. So last night, I thought it would be fun to sit down with the five (!!!!) baskets of kids’ clothes and watch Bing Crosby’s White Christmas with the kids.

All done, right?

Wrong. This morning, James got a full mug of hot chocolate and brought into the living room even though he had been told five minutes before not to, (you can see where this is going, right?), and Henry got all rowdy and started tossing pillows. One of the pillows knocked the entire mug of hc into the baskets of clean clothes.

So, about five, six hours of work completely wasted. I’m trying to be the Grownup in all of this, but what I really feel like doing is pinching off all of their heads.

Christmas carols for the mentally ill. Of which, at this point, I think I’m part of. December 14, 2006

1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and…..
6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent night, Holy - oooh look at the kitty - can I have a chocolate - why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…