Fun with your semi-perfectionist seventh grader May 9, 2008

Me this morning: “Hey James?”

J: “Yeah?”

Me: “I had a look at your grades this morning.”

J: “oh yeah?”

Me: “Yeah. Did you know you’re getting an F in Math?”

(sounds of scrambling out of the bathroom, various bottles dropping, running down the hall)

J: “WHAT?!?!?!?!? I got an A on the test yesterday, I’ve turned in all my work, I don’t understand! Oh my God! Oh my GOD! What? What? OH MY GOD!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s an F all right…..(pause for dramatic effect)….it’s an F for FABULOUS! Ha ha! You’re getting a B-, dude! That’s awesome! Best ever!”

J: (falls over) “That’s so not cool, Mom.” (stomps back to bathroom)

Me: “Heh heh.”

And……scene!

Yay for new friends! March 14, 2008

So I met one of my blogging friends in real life today - RSG. You ever met someone and you instantly are kindred spirits? Like you can’t find enough to talk about? And you finish each other sentences? And you even say “I like penises” (me, not RSG) and OMG you said “penis”, which is usually not something you say, right, but you just DID and now it’s out there. Shit. And you also compare zits from PMS, and while I couldn’t see the one she was talking about (I really couldn’t) I sympathized with a blackhead story of my own. Friendship! it’s a beeyutiful thing. Now I’m all giddy with girl talk - it’s a good feeling, one that I’m looking forward to replicating very soon.

Except maybe we’ll skip the penis.

Some awkward, yet important questions. March 11, 2008

Why do I have three blackheads on my cheek? I mean, if I’m going to have a zit, let’s do it RIGHT. I need something I can get a hold of.

Following that train of thought, why am I suddenly sprouting weird goat hairs on my chin? I find myself wanting to pull at them thoughtfully, like that weird guru guy in Kill Bill. Too bad I can’t grow them long enough to throw over my shoulder when I’m miffed.

Underpants. November 29, 2007

So we have a little problem in our house with certain members of the family having issues with keeping clothes on. Especially pants. We also have an issue with this certain person leaving his pajamas and underpants in various weird places in the house OTHER than the clothes hamper in the morning, including:

Under the couch.
Under the couch cushions with (a ha!) the remote control and about a billion teensy Lego pieces.
Under the dog’s bed.
In the box of Buzz Lightyear action figures.
On the windowsill (hello, neighbor!).

This morning, I found the offending underpants right away instead of having to look for them: they were right in front of the stereo, where said Non-Pants Wearing Person had hunkered down to hijack Mom’s soothing Christmas tunes with a compilation of selections from Lion King, Veggie Tales, and Pirates of the Caribbean. I thought about leaving the underpants there until he gets home from school so he could, you know, LEARN something and pick them up, but I just couldn’t. I mean, could YOU work in a room with a pair of Hot Wheels underpants staring at you from the floor, mocking you, silently daring you to pick them up and deposit them in the mound of laundry you’re tackling today? No, you could not. And neither could I.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving November 22, 2007

And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a I’M DONE. SORRY.

I was going to get all Poet Laureate with yall and do a whole presentation, but I just walked like 3 miles and I’m friggin TIRED. My feet HURT. So, instead, I leave you with this video to help you get through all that tryptophan:

Happy Thanksgiving!

Let’s compare Supermans! December 28, 2006

Yes, I’m slipping full-on into dork mode here, but what the hey.

So! This Christmas, I bought the husband the Christopher Reeve super edition Superman DVD set. As in, all the movies with extra fun stuff. We started watching it last night and I CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD MOVIE. The cheese factor is over the top!

Oh, man - I remember seeing this in the theater and thinking to myself that it was the most utterly romantic thing I’d ever seen, and I wanted to be just like Margot Kidder. Wow.

And then we’ve got the totally mis-casted Brandon Routh:

I’m sorry, but just because you kinda LOOK like Christopher Reeve, it doesn’t make you a superhero. Kevin Spacey kicked all kinds of ass, though, didn’t he?

No, no, no - in my opinion, the absolute best Superman of all time is Tom Welling of Smallville. He’s easy on the eyes, but more than that, he’s a phenomenal actor. The casting on that whole show actually is wonderful - my favorite is probably Lex Luther, then Chloe, then the Kents, then Lois. I wish that they had looked seriously at Tom as Superman in the movie version; I think he would’ve done a MUCH better job.