Define: blog January 2, 2007

What is a blog?

A blog is my voice, without editing…unless I want to edit myself.

A blog is my way of including myself in a conversation about anything from underpants to misguided Microsofties.

A blog is free therapy, baby!

A blog helps me figure things out.

A blog gives voice to the voiceless.

A blog can be distracting from real life. You have to be careful to keep a blog in its place, because the Real Life is so, so much better. Blogs can make you forget just how much better.

I got a new hairdo today November 30, 2006

For many years, I’ve had extremely long hair that is also extremely thick. Sounds good, huh? Well, actually, it SUCKS, mostly because my hair has this uncanny ability to go straight into my mouth. At all times. Or, the best thing: if you’re rolling up your window, the hair will get stuck in the window, creating a kind of comical effect until you realize that your hair is STUCK IN THE WINDOW OF A MOVING CAR.

So, today, I got my hair cut, radically. Well, for me, anyway. I have a lot of natural curl, and my friend just ripped that hiding little bastid right out of his hole. Honestly - I haven’t felt this good about myself in years! I look awesome!

Now to lose 50 pounds by March for SXSW. Good mood…slipping away…

Five things you can do when your shower doesn’t work. November 17, 2006

We’ve had our bathroom gutted for the last week. So no showers for five people. Huzzah!

Here’s what you can do instead of a shower to keep yourself from offending those around you:

1. Fake it till you make it. “I don’t smell anything.”
2. Perfume is your best friend….until it turns on you.
3. Sponge baths. Keep it above the equator, Bart.
4. Showers at the YMCA…for that very special derelict feeling that you thought you’d left behind in college.
5. Make it worse, until it gets better. Example: clean the entire house and neglect to change your clothes for three days. Oh, and ditch the deoderant. It’s got lead…or some crazy mineral..in it. I don’t know. It’s like Splenda, right? Yummy but very bad for you. BAD!

Bloated on Tortellini and Love March 21, 2006

I just ate two plates of tortellini. And my S.O. (Sordid Object) danced around for a solid 45 minutes with the munchkins to techno-dance music, playing air synthesizers and pretty much rocking the HELL out of our living room floor.

Now he’s picking out books to read to said munchkins while I poop around on the ‘puter.

Somebody’s getting lucky tonight!