Dear Dogs Who Live In My House Who Are Currently On My Shit List: March 17, 2008

Hello, doggies. Yes, you with the licking and the fluffy and the sweet little chirping sounds when you sleep on matching pillows on the side of our bed at night. YOU.

Why, when we went to the dog park this morning to get some crazy energy out of your doggy bodies, did you feel the need to roll in EVERY SINGLE MUDDY SPOT in the what, five acres of dog park area? Why is that? And then, just when I had rationalized to myself that a little mud every once in a while is good because look how happy you both are, wallowing in your filth and getting lots of exercise!!…..just at that exact moment, I realized that some time in the very near future, I would have to take you home.

In my car.

In my clean, beautiful, leather seats, smells like New Car fragrance, car.

And that is why you are at the scary PetSmart groomer peoples that I know you both PRETEND to hate but secretly have a crush on, especially when they do that squeezing of your nether regions that I would pay untold quantities of money to make someone else do, because seriously I’m very frightened at what potentially comes out of there. And when you come home, you will be so tired that your doggy tongues will flop out as you snore, sprawled out all over the house right in what’s commonly known as “high traffic areas.”

Just thought you would like to know.

Love, Mom

P.S. I expect every bit of mud in my car to be cleaned by you today.

P.P.S. I realize that I will be cleaning it. Dammit.

I know a certain dog and cat who are on my poop list December 3, 2007

Hey! Harley!

No, don’t give me that puppy look with those big brown eyes. I’m mad at you. Yes, I AM. Why did you wake me up at 2 AM to go to the potty, when I took you out at 11 PM to go and you wouldn’t go? Why 2 AM? I am mad at you. No, don’t snuggle with me. Don’t rub your head on my leg and give me sweet little looks. It’s not working.

And YOU! Cat!

What’s with the puking on the floor this morning? Why did you have to do that? No, don’t come over here and purr at me. Don’t do that. No, I do NOT want you on my lap licking my hand. I am very angry with you both. You bad widdle sweethearts you.

Look at me! I’ve been tagged! Ta ra la la! November 18, 2007

I’m JUST about as excited as my doggy Harley looks like there in his Halloween costume that I’ve been tagged by the super-talented Lilly Potter Knits to do this little meme that includes me basically spilling my guts, embarrassing myself, and ending up in a revolting puddle all over the floor. Or not. That was just the vodka speaking.

Anywho! Here be the rules, matey:

Rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird things about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Ehhhhhhhhh….7 things? 7? Okay, here goes:

1. I was 17th in Washington state for the national spelling bee. This close to making it.
2. I get carsick like, instantly. I can be in the car ten minutes and want to hork. Charming, isn’t it?
3. I’m a horrible cook, but an excellent special occasion cook. You don’t want me on Wednesdays, but for Thanksgiving, I’m like a cooking ninja.
4. I hate, HATE, to fly. Hate it.
5. I break out into Rodgers and Hammerstein tunes quite often.
6. I love to paint. Would you like to see my etchings (insert nasty old lady laugh here)?
7. I drool when I sleep.

Oh, highly fascinating, I know. Here’s the next seven victims candidates:

Fantastical Mediocrity

New At Art

Reflections in the Snow Covered Hills

E Flo

The Chronicles of Fatty Dimples

My Own Little Corner

Rose’s Reflections

I have to admit - that last blog was not entirely randomly chosen; but whatcha gonna do, huh? WHATCHA GONNA DO! Nothing, that’s what.