Archive for September, 2006

Children's Books You Will Never See

September 26, 2006

‘You Were an Accident’

‘Strangers Have the Best Candy’

‘The Little Sissy Who Snitched’

‘Some Kittens Can Fly!’

‘The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion’

‘How to Dress Sexy for Grownups’

‘Getting More Chocolate on Your Face’

‘Where Would You Like to Be Buried?’

‘Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her’

‘The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!’

‘All Dogs Go to Hell’

‘The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking’

‘When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It’

‘Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia’

‘What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?’

‘Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?’

‘Bi-Curious George’

‘Daddy Drinks Because You Cry’

‘Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver’

‘You Are Different and That’s Bad’

‘Why God Burned Down Disney Land’

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Children’s Books You Will Never See

September 26, 2006

‘You Were an Accident’

‘Strangers Have the Best Candy’

‘The Little Sissy Who Snitched’

‘Some Kittens Can Fly!’

‘The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion’

‘How to Dress Sexy for Grownups’

‘Getting More Chocolate on Your Face’

‘Where Would You Like to Be Buried?’

‘Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her’

‘The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!’

‘All Dogs Go to Hell’

‘The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking’

‘When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It’

‘Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia’

‘What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?’

‘Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?’

‘Bi-Curious George’

‘Daddy Drinks Because You Cry’

‘Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver’

‘You Are Different and That’s Bad’

‘Why God Burned Down Disney Land’

Today was a hard day.

September 8, 2006

This was the first week of school in my neck of the woods, and while my oldest has adjusted fantastically to middle school (I KNOW! Amazing!), my two little ones are having a hell of a time.

Emma misses me. She misses her mommy. And I miss her. She misses her best friend, big brother Henry, who depends on her to navigate for him since he doesen’t understand a lot of what is going on around him. And while school was really fun at first, she’s beginning to let me know that it’s just one long day without Mommy and that’s not fun anymore.

This morning, Henry had the Meltdown of All Meltdowns. He *thought* he was going to get to do computers today, but when his teacher told him they didn’t have computers until NEXT week, he just matter of factly picked up his stuff and said “well, then I’m not coming to class” and started walking out to the parking lot. Seriously!

Then the fit started when I told him he’d have to go back to class. Three hours later, after about 10 different education professionals got ahold of him, he finally went back to class.

Here’s where my brain is at right now:

We’re (probably) moving in the next three months. We want to get out of where we live and get back to our friends and family.

We are thinking about homeschooling all three since we both would be home. GASP! I know. I’m scared. But I figure we’ll try it for a year and see what happens. We can’t kill them in a year, right? Right?

I’m tired of Henry having such a hard time, being so far behind, being labeled “special needs.” It breaks my heart. He’s a smart kid but he’s been in school for so long that I don’t know what his potential is anymore! I really don’t! And that scares the shit out of me. He hates to learn and he’s only 8 years old. Can he be rescued from that?

Emma just wants to be with Mommy and brother, how can I look in her big blue eyes and say, “no, you can’t.”

James just wants to be home to learn, to teach himself geology (yep) and write a novel.

I think it’s going to happen. I’m scared. But I can’t put up with this much longer.

Off to school

September 5, 2006

I sent the three munchkins off to school today.

I am by myself for the first time in 12 years.

It’s a bit disconcerting. I don’t know if I like it or not. I’m finding it difficult to focus, I keep thinking that I’ve forgotten something.

I miss my kids.

I Love My Cats

September 1, 2006

WARNING: disgustingly sappy ode to cats dead ahead.

(verse 1)
Oh, Kitties, how I love yall
Your furry faces stare at me whilst I work on the ‘puter
Why are you meowing
No more treats for you fatso

(verse 2)
Yes, I’m petting you, you can purr now
Don’t scratch the couch
Here’s your catnip
Please don’t pee on my bed while I’m gone this weekend

(chorus)
Cat, you’re a kitty cat
and you meow meow meow, meow meow meow
Cat, you’re a kitty cat
and you meow meow meow, meow meow meow

(verse 3)
Let me rub your belly
I don’t like it when you cough up a hairball
You’re so sweet and cuddly
Get OFF the counter

Now to set it to music! Tra la!

My Google Calendar Wish List

September 1, 2006

I love Google Calendar, the kind of love that you give to a favorite pet that demands all your attention when they’re around, and is kind of annoying, but then again he does deliver the furry love. Which, after reading that, makes absolutely no sense at all but give me a break, they can’t all be home runs.

ANYway, here’s my Google Calendar wish list:

  • Why is it such a pain in the butt to create events via the Google Desktop Sidebar? Why can’t I create events WITHIN the Sidebar, rather than opening up a whole new tab in Firefox and completely sllooowwwing down my browser to a snail’s pace?
  • The other day I tried to create an event that was just for one day. Five frustrated minutes later, I gave up and wrote it down on a Target receipt. That’s not proper GTD technique, y’all. And as a productivity evangelist I’m not supposed to do that kind of crap….I mean, if my co-editors saw that kind of stuff they would be SHOCKED and AWED. But I have a system of Target receipts! I really do! It’s called “stuffed in the purse side pocket for easy retrieval.”
  • Completely asinine, but I want some right-click functionality. I’m a right-click kind of girl. Don’t know why, but it just makes me feel extra smart to do right-click stuff. And now I must realize that I’m writing in full-on Dork mode.
  • I think it would be cool to have a Goals calendar right alongside my regular boring stuff to do calendar. There’s probably a way to do this but I’m too lazy right now to figure it out.

I suppose, if I really put my Huge Brain to it, I could probably come up with more ways to improve Google Calendar, but there’s a few reasons why I won’t right now, and they pretty much all add up to “don’t wanna.”
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Off to camp today

September 1, 2006

This afternoon we’re setting off on our annual expedition to Family Camp, where I’ll be mostly drinking in the scenery around Mt. Rainier and spending time with the fam.

One of the things I most look forward to is just reminiscing. This is the camp where I spent a few high school summers, and it’s amazing for me to see where I was and where I am now. The same people work there too, so it’s even more wonderful.

I’m also all done with work until Tuesday. TUESDAY! I haven’t taken this much time off since last Christmas.

Here’s the agenda: read, play with kids, nuzzle husband, swim, eat, nap, and repeat.