Changes

I’ve decided to make some changes in my life.

The phrase that keeps running through my head is this: “I dwell in possibility.”

I discovered this last week that many of my actions are dictated by fear.

FEAR!

I’m scared of being extremely poor again…so poor that we had to dig in the dumpster behind Albertson’s for leftover food. So I work way too much.

I’m scared of not being included. In any group. ANY group.

I’m scared everytime I get in the car with my whole family and go further then five miles that we will get in a horrific accident. In fact, that’s something I’ve struggled with for literally years and I’m starting to become kind of a hermit.

I’m scared that I will be alone.

I’m terrified that my Henry will never have a chance to get out of the 22q deletion shell that he’s in, and live a productive life.

I’m scared that my children will look back and only remember Momma saying “no” or “not right now.”

But here’s the thing:

I’m really, really, tired of being scared. I don’t want to live like this anymore. And so here are a few of the changes I’m going to make:

I’m going to say “yes” a LOT more often.

I’m going to be more outgoing and make a conscious effort to connect with people. This is very, very hard for me. I have friends, but I need to gather these people closer to me.

I’m going to stop being so scared. Somehow.

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