Archive for February, 2008

Oh, yes, please use the jackhammer, by all means

February 28, 2008

So here in the town of Sherwood, we have entered the season commonly known as Dig The Living Hell Out Of Everything. Unfortunately, this year, that means my street. Currently, as I write, there are about four big bearded men jackhammering the SHIT out of the street in front of our house. It’s only 10:30 in the morning, but I think that I might have to start drinking a little early to deal.

P.S. Would it be bad if I accidentally cut the hose to their pneumatic thingy? I’m guessing it would, but at this point, I would gladly go to jail for a few minutes of peace and quiet.


I could seriously sleep All. The. Time. lately

February 27, 2008

Ever have those days where all you want to do is crawl back into bed? Not because you’re sad or not having a good day or anything like that. No, no. Here’s why I wanted to crawl back into bed today: because I changed the sheets, and I LOVE that nice crispy new sheet feeling, and I have a big Ikea comforter staring me in the face, and I had a ton of work to do that was fun but not Disneyland fun, and man, did I ever want to go back to bed.

But I resisted. Barely.

Man, being an adult sucks sometimes!

Things that I love.

February 22, 2008

Listening to really good classical music with headphones on while writing. Heaven.

Drinking homemade smoothies (no fat, super tasty!).

Getting morning hugs from sleepy children in jammies on.

Being cuddled by big furry cats that insist on putting their heads on your laptop keyboard.

Kissing my husband and feeling his beard tickle my chin.

Taking a really, really hot shower.

Thinking good thoughts, but also muttering "shit! shit! shit!"

February 22, 2008

So we got the big call from the cardiologist today, and it wasn’t good news. Henry has the vascular ring thing, yes, and it looks like it’s compressing both his trachea and esophagus, so he’s most likely going to have to get surgery. The cardiac surgery team will be meeting Monday at OHSU to figure out if this is indeed the route they want to go.

Give your kid(s) big hugs and play with them LOTS today for me, okay?

Thinking good thoughts, but also muttering “shit! shit! shit!”

February 22, 2008

So we got the big call from the cardiologist today, and it wasn’t good news. Henry has the vascular ring thing, yes, and it looks like it’s compressing both his trachea and esophagus, so he’s most likely going to have to get surgery. The cardiac surgery team will be meeting Monday at OHSU to figure out if this is indeed the route they want to go.

Give your kid(s) big hugs and play with them LOTS today for me, okay?

Good thing he likes the doctor

February 18, 2008

Seems like these things come in waves, don’t they? At least they do in our family. About two months ago, we had Henry go through a routine cardiology screening, something he should have gotten a long time ago because of the whole 22q deletion thing (usually it’s the kidneys or the heart that are bad, VERY rare that both are screwed up). What the doctors found was something called a “vascular ring”, which basically means that his blood vessels, aorta, etc. are wrapped around his trachea and esophagus.

Yes, that is as bad as it sounds, but crazily enough, he has NO symptoms, which has stumped the good doctors up at OHSU. Usually, kids with this are unable to swallow, they’ve got crazy asthma, and lots more fun stuff. But Henry’s got nothin’, which means that he’s got a whole team of befuddled cardiologists trying to figure out how he’s got this awful thing with nothing going on.

So! Tomorrow, he gets knocked out and undergoes an MRI. After that, he will be evaluated by said cardiology team to see if he gets to have his chest cracked open and his aorta repaired.

I’m trying to be glib and funny and witty about this, but I. Am. Terrified. He’s already gone through so much. I just am not trying to think about it, I guess. Prayers and good thoughts appreciated.

Saturday musings

February 16, 2008

So I was thinking yesterday about why, exactly, it is that I don’t seem to have anybody I can just call up and shoot the breeze with. I don’t have any girlfriends to hang out with, nobody that I go to coffee with, or take walks with, or anything that I see all the other women of my age doing on a daily basis. There seems to be some kind of friend culture that I have been shut out of and I couldn’t figure out why, exactly.

I mean, it’s not because I’m not friendly, I’m not psycho. I’m a great listener; in fact, when people have a crisis I usually get to hear all about it. I’m encouraging, open, warm, all the things you would want in a friend. And yet, I don’t have anyone. Not one person.

I thought that I used to have a friend, until I finally figured out that she was just using me to complain about her husband. Did I waste so much energy on her that now I’m no good for anyone else?

I have to confess: I watch shows like “The L Word” and I’m horrifyingly jealous of the easy way they weave in and out of each other’s lives. I wish I had that. The only person I talk to on a regular basis is my husband, and while he’s a nice guy he is also so opposite of me in pretty much anything that it gets very tiresome, since he loves to debate and I do not (it’s an election year, and that’s all I’m going to say).

So what is it about me that says “don’t bother”? I’ve got a few theories. First, it’s because I’m about 100 pounds overweight. That’s the first time I’ve put that into writing. I am obese. Which leads me into my next theory – because of this fat, I am also tremendously introverted. People, quite frankly, scare the shit out of me. I go out of my way to avoid having to talk to people, which, when you read what I already wrote about having no friends, is kind of a “duh” moment, but there it is. Last theory: I’ve got a tremendously obnoxious husband and a kid with special needs that take up a LOT of my energy, and so by the time I’m done with working 60 hours a week and dealing with the two of them, the thought of having to muster up some sparkling conversation quite honestly exhausts me.

So what’s a lonely girl to do? I don’t know. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, although I do have times (like last night) where I do. I’ve become a very solitary person, mostly because of the reasons I’ve mentioned. I know that getting this weight off will free me of a lot of stuff I’ve been hanging on to, it’s just a matter of sticking with something. Food is my drug, it’s my friendship that I don’t have.

Well, one thing at a time, I guess. This post won’t win any awards for being well-written, but it certainly helps to get stuff down on virtual paper.

Happy Valentines Day from Google Docs

February 14, 2008

Very MySpace and LiveJournal of them:


This is what I am going to remember

February 13, 2008

– I am stronger than my fear of rejection.

– I have the power to make myself healthy physically and emotionally.

– I don’t have to settle.

– I don’t have to put up with it.

– I deserve something for myself.

– I am a vibrant, creative person.

– I am more than what I see in the mirror.

– I am loved.

– I love.

– It’s up to me to make the difference.

Introducing kids to your favorite books is awesome.

February 13, 2008

Lately Emma has been going CRAZY on what we call “chapter books” in our house; in other words, they’re not picture books, and require actual reading. I have always been a huge bookworm and remember the highlight of my week was the visit to the library where I would emerge hours later, slightly dazed, with a big stack of books in my arms that would promptly be devoured. Reading was my escape, my guilty pleasure, my habit, and I’m so thrilled that Emma is following in my footsteps. You know, instead of the OTHER tradition I could’ve passed down, like forgetting to shave my legs. Or something.

ANYWAY, here are a few of the books we’ve rediscovered lately:

The Wizard of Oz: She read this in one big delicious gulp, and now we’re looking for all the other Oz tales, of which there are many. I particularly remember one princess that had a dozen heads that she could switch around, depending on her mood. This is both useful and gruesome.

The Pippi Longstocking series: Mostly I like Pippi because she’s got red hair, and I have red hair. That’s where the similarity ends, but I remember reading these books and wishing that Pippi lived next to me so we could sail to the South Seas and get into trouble together.

That’s just this week. Next week, I plan on introducing her to The Little Princess, one of my favorite kids’ books of all time, and the Anne of Green Gables series, which I like to read again about every couple years or so. I can’t hardly watch the movies because the whole Matthew dying thing can send me into a tailspin, it’s the first really sad scene I ever watched in a movie. I just love that she’s enjoying these books, it’s super fun to watch her love them the way I loved them.