Archive for the ‘MomRants’ Category

An exercise in futility

August 25, 2008

Here is my vow as a future mother-in-law.

I vow to remember my grandchildrens’ birthdays.

I vow to follow through on promises I’ve made to my grandchildren, instead of making excuses WHY I’m not following through.

I vow to spend time with my grandchildren, who have invited me to spend time with them in Cannon Beach for a week, instead of taking my ugly-ass dog to some training thing.

That is all (for now).

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Today just really sucked.

March 11, 2008

1) The city told us our water would be turned off all day because of construction, so we made all these special arrangements, and then they DIDN’T TURN IT OFF.

2) We lost all Internet connection since last night because of bad cabling and Comcast had to come out. I lost an entire day of work (which is why I’m here blogging, heh heh).

3) My mom sent me one of her once yearly manipulative things in which I get all upset and then she wonders why. Passive aggressive much?

4) My nephew, who apparently has his head up his ass, is trying to let us know how much we can afford house wise. Unfortunately, he is VERY inexperienced, and even though we make more than most anyone I know, he’s telling us we can’t afford much. Um, not to be a bitch, but I am not so sure about that.

5) To add to this very special mix, I’m PMSing. If it weren’t already obvious.

I think tonight calls for some majorly good Chinese, wine, and something very Matrix-like.

Why having your husband working from home is a bad idea.

February 11, 2008

1) Work seems to take a second place to eBay, organizing the garage, staring blankly into space, watching Robot Chicken, etc.

2) You get groped. All. The. Time.

3) You might be working yourself, but hey! We’re home! Alone! Let’s PARTY!

4) Emergencies, such as “somebody gave me a bad feedback on eBay!”, take way too much energy for me to be interested in, yet he can stay up till 2 AM “resolving” them. Why the hell not, right? HE’S GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO.

5) You have to listen to his whining about how one idea or the other is bound to work out, if you only give him time. Well, how much time are we talking about? Because it’s only been, oh, I don’t know, eight months now that you’ve been at home.

Friends who really aren’t friends, but say they’re friends, but don’t act like friends.

February 7, 2008

Did that title make enough sense? Or not? Pretty much not, but I couldn’t think of anything better.

Here’s the situation. I have a friend, let’s call her Pansy, who I’ve known for over ten years now. You would think we would know each other pretty well by now, right? That we would be attuned to each other’s needs, know each other’s experiences, etc.

Well, unfortunately, this is not that kind of friendship. Oh, no. This is the kind of friendship where I get to sit and listen to Pansy talk about herself for hours on end. Where I get to hear PANSY’s needs, PANSY’S experiences, and all about PANSY’S problems. I have to be suitably sympathetic as the need arises, always supportive, and witty, too.

Sounds like a bum deal, doesn’t it? It gets better. See, this friend has no idea Who. I. Am. Here’s a few things we don’t talk about, because they are not about Pansy:

– the fact that I wrote a book this year, and it’s actually been published by a major publishing house, and people BUY IT. It’s in STORES, even. We don’t talk about this (she doesn’t even know I wrote it) because she writes horrifically awful soft porno, and wants to be published in that industry. Believe me, I know it’s that bad, because she made me read it.

– We don’t talk about how my middle son is going to be getting open chest surgery in the next couple of months to correct a heart problem. Because that would take away from her angst about her ex-husband, and Good Lord, we wouldn’t want to do that.

– We pretty much don’t talk about anything that includes anything that is not Pansy. End of story, Amen.

So how did I get into this situation? Why do I allow this to go on? I don’t know. I’ve always attracted friends like this, though, ever since I can remember. I’ve been told it’s because I’m a good listener, which is what a friend should DO, after all, but I just wish this friend was not so damn self-centered. I wish she would be interested in me for ME, not for what I can do to bring the focus on her.

Friends who really aren't friends, but say they're friends, but don't act like friends.

February 7, 2008

Did that title make enough sense? Or not? Pretty much not, but I couldn’t think of anything better.

Here’s the situation. I have a friend, let’s call her Pansy, who I’ve known for over ten years now. You would think we would know each other pretty well by now, right? That we would be attuned to each other’s needs, know each other’s experiences, etc.

Well, unfortunately, this is not that kind of friendship. Oh, no. This is the kind of friendship where I get to sit and listen to Pansy talk about herself for hours on end. Where I get to hear PANSY’s needs, PANSY’S experiences, and all about PANSY’S problems. I have to be suitably sympathetic as the need arises, always supportive, and witty, too.

Sounds like a bum deal, doesn’t it? It gets better. See, this friend has no idea Who. I. Am. Here’s a few things we don’t talk about, because they are not about Pansy:

– the fact that I wrote a book this year, and it’s actually been published by a major publishing house, and people BUY IT. It’s in STORES, even. We don’t talk about this (she doesn’t even know I wrote it) because she writes horrifically awful soft porno, and wants to be published in that industry. Believe me, I know it’s that bad, because she made me read it.

– We don’t talk about how my middle son is going to be getting open chest surgery in the next couple of months to correct a heart problem. Because that would take away from her angst about her ex-husband, and Good Lord, we wouldn’t want to do that.

– We pretty much don’t talk about anything that includes anything that is not Pansy. End of story, Amen.

So how did I get into this situation? Why do I allow this to go on? I don’t know. I’ve always attracted friends like this, though, ever since I can remember. I’ve been told it’s because I’m a good listener, which is what a friend should DO, after all, but I just wish this friend was not so damn self-centered. I wish she would be interested in me for ME, not for what I can do to bring the focus on her.

How much snot is in the human body?

December 12, 2006

Because I believe the answer would be an endless supply.

I’ve had a cold now for four days – four days of me carrying around a large toilet paper roll for instant blowing nose access, four days of drinking some kind of foul vitamin-y drink guaranteed to get me well (LIES!), four days of not being able to taste anything but the nasty Hall’s cherry cough drops in my mouth. This sucks.

Why I hate buzzwords.

November 18, 2006

Buzzwords are an easy way for ignorant folks to get themselves noticed in a conversation.

Buzzwords are formerly useful words reduced down to inpractical soundbytes.

Buzzwords may seem like an instant access backstage pass, but if you don’t use them right, they’ll make you look like a giant horse’s ass.

Certain buzzwords, like “transparency”, set my teeth on edge and make me want to pull my fingernails out slowly, one by one, and then make the buzzword-sayer eat them. With relish.

Note: in a recent PR release that I read (masked as a blog post), the word transparency was used 14 times in the space of three paragraphs.

14 times.

That’s a lot of fingernails.